“An individual can simultaneously be kind, peaceful and have self-love that is strong enough to defend itself. Unwanted things happen in life, but not reacting and staying calm allows us to observe things clearly and gives us the space we need to respond effectively. Even if we cultivate this deeper inner peace, it does not mean that we should let people be mean to us or harm us. An important part of self-awareness is being able to say no to the harm that tries to come our way.” -Yung Pueblo
I swear, the universe truly always has our back.
I’m writing this to hold myself accountable and to take note that even though I wanted to react and lash out - I didn’t. I know, sometimes reacting and saying what you really want to say in the rawest form seems like the better deal, but it’s not. In fact, it’s the easy way out and it won’t make you feel any better. I know, you feel like you need to react because there is still someone out there who is on a witch hunt to tarnish your reputation even more, or say things so one sided that it pulls the people who have witnessed your journey to who you are today away. Remember, you are going to have tests to see where you are in your growth and healing, and this will only help you grow more, heal more, and expand.
Hurt people hurt people, and you know this because you were that girl once. You were the girl who was lost, angry, confused, and anxious all the time. You were the girl who always felt misunderstood or misplaced. You fell into mistake after mistake, lie after lie, and drowned yourself in victimoness.
So, yeah, even though it really sucked to relive certain things that you are not necessarily proud of (or more like you wish you could throw that version of you down the stairs) the other day… you had to hear it in order to realize your own growth, but not only realize it but to also give yourself credit for it. Old you would have definitely reacted. Old you would have slumped into self-pity. Old you would have gone into victim mode. But new growth you held herself accountable and held her head up a little higher.
Chin up, girl. All you can do is live your life by living through actions. If others want to poison the well for themselves, let them. Remember, that’s their journey, not yours. Yes, I know you feel like your reputation is “on the line” but know that the person you were LAST year is not the person you are NOW; you have held yourself accountable, you are putting in the hours to your growth and healing, and you are learning to forgive yourself. The ones who know you and love you through and through have stayed in your corner and will continue to stay in your corner through everything you have shared - the good, the bad, and the really, really ugly.